12) “Whatever!” / “Oh, just forget it.”Most of us feel like throwing up our hands at times in a close relationship but “Whatever” can come across as d...

11) “Grow up” / “Get over it.”You are not your partner’s parent or critic. Instead, try: “I feel upset when you say or do that. Can we talk about both...

10) “You’re clueless.”Try: “I am puzzled by your behavior. Can we talk about it?”

9) “I hate you.”No matter how hurt, angry or afraid you may feel, hate is a toxic word for your partner. Try: “I love you but I don’t like you right n...

8) “I want a divorce” / “I’m done.”These are nuclear options. They should only be used a maximum of once per relationship. Instead, try: “I am concern...

7) “You’re acting just like your mother (father).”It’s hard for this not to come across as a put down. Instead, try: “I’m confused (or frustrated). Ca...

6) “You need to take responsibility.”Responsibility cannot be given, it can only be taken. Telling others they are responsible can lead to stonewallin...

5) “Don’t take this the wrong way . . .”If you are saying this, you already know it is a sensitive topic. If you don’t want your partner to take somet...

4) “Stop being so sensitive (needy, dramatic, etc.)”Labeling is insulting and non productive. Instead, try: “You seem to feel strongly about this. Can...

3) “I’m not the problem, you are.”Such a statement is likely to make your partner feel blamed and defensive. Instead, try: “We both are probably contr...

2) “You always” / “You never.”Always and never are rarely factually correct in couples’ disagreements. Instead, such words or often proxies for strong...