Lawyers Arena
  • Home
  • Information Pool
  • Forums
  • News
  • Contact Us
  • Not a member yet? Join now
    • Login / Logout

  • Forums
  • Recent Posts
  • Account
Forums
Bar Forums
Lawyerly
Romance
14 Things Not to Sa...
 
Notifications
Clear all

14 Things Not to Say to Your Partner

Page 1 / 2 Next
    Last Post
 

O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:41 am  

14 Things Not to Say to Your Partner

By Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT
~ 2 min read

What you say to your partner can soften or harden hearts, even make or break your relationship. Here are some of the most destructive things you can say to a partner, along with healthier ways to get your feelings and message heard:

1. “If you really loved me you would . . .”
Guilt tripping doesn’t foster intimacy and cooperation. Instead, try: “It means a lot to me when you . . .”

 


Quote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:42 am  

2) “You always” / “You never.”
Always and never are rarely factually correct in couples’ disagreements. Instead, such words or often proxies for strong feelings. If you are conveying a feeling, use feeling words or you will likely end up in a fruitless debate over facts. Try: “I felt hurt (sad, upset, frustrated, afraid) when you . . .”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:42 am  

3) “I’m not the problem, you are.”
Such a statement is likely to make your partner feel blamed and defensive. Instead, try: “We both are probably contributing to this situation. Can we talk about how to make it better?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:43 am  

4) “Stop being so sensitive (needy, dramatic, etc.)”
Labeling is insulting and non productive. Instead, try: “You seem to feel strongly about this. Can you help me understand your feelings better?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:43 am  

5) “Don’t take this the wrong way . . .”
If you are saying this, you already know it is a sensitive topic. If you don’t want your partner to take something the wrong way, don’t say it in the wrong way.


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:43 am  

6) “You need to take responsibility.”
Responsibility cannot be given, it can only be taken. Telling others they are responsible can lead to stonewalling or counterattack. Instead, try: “Can we clarify our roles? How do you view your and my responsibilities in this situation?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:44 am  

7) “You’re acting just like your mother (father).”
It’s hard for this not to come across as a put down. Instead, try: “I’m confused (or frustrated). Can you help me understand what you want or are trying to accomplish when you do that?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:44 am  

8) “I want a divorce” / “I’m done.”
These are nuclear options. They should only be used a maximum of once per relationship. Instead, try: “I am concerned about some things in our relationship. Can we talk about them? If it feels too difficult to do this on our own, would you go with me to couples counseling?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:44 am  

9) “I hate you.”
No matter how hurt, angry or afraid you may feel, hate is a toxic word for your partner. Try: “I love you but I don’t like you right now.” Or say: “I may not be in the best place to hear you right now. I don’t want to say anything hurtful or that I might regret. Could we take a breather and revisit this in a little while?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:45 am  

10) “You’re clueless.”
Try: “I am puzzled by your behavior. Can we talk about it?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:45 am  

11) “Grow up” / “Get over it.”
You are not your partner’s parent or critic. Instead, try: “I feel upset when you say or do that. Can we talk about both of our needs and feelings?”


ReplyQuote
O. A. Joseph Mrs.
 O. A. Joseph Mrs.
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter April 1, 2018 7:45 am  

12) “Whatever!” / “Oh, just forget it.”
Most of us feel like throwing up our hands at times in a close relationship but “Whatever” can come across as dismissive. Instead, try: “I am frustrated. I am having trouble communicating what I want to say. Can we talk about this so that we both feel heard and understood?”


ReplyQuote
Page 1 / 2 Next
  All forum topics
  Previous Topic
Next Topic  
Share:
  Forum Statistics
73 Forums
3,188 Topics
3,330 Posts
0 Online
1,588 Members

Latest Post: Interpretation of section 72 of the Sheriffs and Civil Process Act and Order IX Rule 13(1)and(2)of the Judgment (Enforcement) Rules as to whether it is necessary for court to issue Forms 48 and 49 before it can proceed against a contemnor in a contem... Our newest member: casino19290406 Recent Posts Unread Posts Tags

Forum Icons: Forum contains no unread posts Forum contains unread posts

Topic Icons: Not Replied Replied Active Hot Sticky Unapproved Solved Private Closed

Views All Time
Views All Time
309950
Views Today
Views Today
136

Forum Search

Advertise Here!

See the Causelist

  • Network With Other Lawyers Across Nigeria
  • In My Humble Opinion
  • Lawyers Outside Nigeria
  • Lawyerly
  • For Law Students

About Lawyers’ Arena

Lawyers’ Arena is a forum for Nigerian Lawyers, a place to network, compare briefs, share ideas, get updated on the latest regarding practice of law and generally unwind.

Follow Us

Recent Replies

  • Interpretation of section 72 of the Sheriffs and Civil Process Act and Order IX Rule 13(1)and(2)of the Judgment (Enforcement) Rules as to whether it is necessary for court to issue Forms 48 and 49 before it can proceed against a contemnor in a contem...

    SECTION 72 OF THE SHERIFFS AND CIVIL PROCESS ACT AND OR...

    By Manuel Akinshola, 6 months ago

  • CONTEMPT OF COURT: Situations in which a party in contempt can be heard in a subsequent application

    CONTEMPT OF COURT: Situations in which a party in conte...

    By Manuel Akinshola, 6 months ago

  • What an applicant must show for his application for extension of time within which to appeal to succeed

    APPLICATION FOR EXTENSION OF TIME WITHIN WHICH TO APPEA...

    By Manuel Akinshola, 6 months ago

  • NBA To Distribute N10,000 Each To 10,126 Young Lawyers Of 1-4 Years Post Call, As COVID-19 Palliative

    The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) has finally disclose...

    By Admin2, 7 months ago

  • Hate Speech: Yusuf Ali, SAN backs fine hike

    Mallam Yusuf Ali, has said no penalty was too much to i...

    By Admin2, 7 months ago

Advert Banner
Advert Banner
Advert Banner
© Centunet 2018. Lawyers’ Arena Forum. All Rights Reserved.