14 Things You Shoul...
Clear all

14 Things You Should Never Say To The Guy You Love (But Are Super Common)

3 Posts
3 Users
0 Reactions
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
Topic starter  

The sneaky reason you've got relationship problems.

What you say to your partner can soften or harden hearts, even make or break your relationship.

1. "If you really loved me you would..."

Guilt tripping doesn't foster intimacy and cooperation.

Instead, try: "It means a lot to me when you..."

2. "You always..."/"You never..."

Always and never are rarely factually correct in couples’ disagreements. Instead, such words or often proxies for strong feelings. If you are conveying a feeling, use feeling words or you will likely end up in a fruitless debate over facts.

Try: "I felt hurt sad/upset/frustrated/afraid when you..."

3. "I'm not the problem, you are."

Such a statement is likely to make your partner feel blamed and defensive.

Instead, try: "We both are probably contributing to this situation. Can we talk about how to make it better?"

4. "Stop being so sensitive/needy/dramatic."

Labeling is insulting and nonproductive.

Instead, try: "You seem to feel strongly about this. Can you help me understand your feelings better?"

5. "Don’t take this the wrong way..."

If you are saying this, you already know it is a sensitive topic. If you don’t want your partner to take something the wrong way, don’t say it in the wrong way.

6. "You need to take responsibility."

Responsibility cannot be given, it can only be taken. Telling others they are responsible can lead to stonewalling or counterattack.

Instead, try: "Can we clarify our roles? How do you view your and my responsibilities in this situation?"

7. "You’re acting just like your mother (father)."

It’s hard for this not to come across as a put-down.

Instead, try: "I’m confused/frustrated. Can you help me understand what you want or are trying to accomplish when you do that?"

RELATED: If Any Of These 7 Things Are In Your Relationship, It Won't Last

8. "I want a divorce."/"I'm done."

These are nuclear options. They should only be used a maximum of once per relationship.

Instead, try: "I am concerned about some things in our relationship. Can we talk about them? If it feels too difficult to do this on our own, would you go with me to couples counseling?"

Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0


Guess I'm guilty of some of these

Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 0

That No. 7 ehn!