14 Things Not to Say to Your Partner
13) “I shouldn’t have to ask. If you cared about me, you would know what I want.” As much as we may wish that our partners can read our minds and seamlessly give us what we want, this is a child’s fantasy. We can expect our partners to care about our needs but expecting them to know needs which we haven’t articulated is neither realistic nor productive. As Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, famously quipped, “No askee, no gettee.” Ask for what you want.
14) “My girlfriends (mom, dad, sister, brother, your ex) were right about you.”
This is unlikely to make things better and can poison your partner’s relationships with other people. Instead, try: “I feel discouraged about what is happening right now. Would you be willing to have a constructive conversation with me about this?”