Legal One liners.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life support system.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Just two, all the rest are true.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to murder?
A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you.

Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?
A: Now she's a loan shark.

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law school.

Q: How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water!