Octogenarians, Mr. and Mrs. Ozoekwe Udeze, talk about their lives with IHUOMA CHIEDOZIE

Tell us about yourselves.

Husband: I am Nze S. Ebulue of Neni; that is my title name. The name given to me by my father is Ozoekwe Udeze. My surname is Udeze. I hail from Ndiagu Umudioka Neni in the Aniocha Local Government Area of Anambra State. I was born on March 13, 1934.

Wife: I am Veronica Udeze. Before I got married, my maiden name was Veronica Atufunwa Obiesie. My father’s name is Obiesie Onyeagba, from Umueze village in Neni. I married in Umudioka village, also in Neni, Anambra State, and changed my name to Veronica Udeze. I was born on April 7, 1937.

Tell us about your parents.

Husband: My parents were farmers and also my father was a Nwadioka, that is a tattoo artist. He used to beautify people by tattooing them on the face and he was a traveller. He travelled to many places in Igboland, including Ika Igbo. My mother was a farmer and also a local trader. When I was younger, I travelled with him to nearby towns where we tattooed people. I am a Nwadioka from birth.

Which schools did you attend?

Husband: I attended St. John’s Catholic School, Neni, and stopped at Standard Six in 1952.

Wife: I attended St. John’s Catholic School, Neni, where I studied from primary one to six. Then I went to a nursing training school. We were the last set that got admitted to nursing with primary school leaving certificate. I did my nursing training at Our Lady of Lourdes, Ihiala, Anambra State. After that, I went to Nsukka where I trained as a nurse at St. Theresa’s Catholic Hospital, which is now known as Bishop Shanahan Hospital. I also worked there. After passing the General Nursing Examination, I went to St. Joseph’s Hospital, Adazi, to do midwifery.

Where did you work?

Husband: I have not worked for the government or for any institution. After completing Standard Six, I followed one late Chief Okparanzebuife Agbasi as a servant and I stayed with him at Oturkpo in Benue State from 1953 to 1960. I served my master very honestly. I was a foodstuff buyer for him, and we also traded in rice. I used to ride bicycle from Oturkpo to Aliede, and from Aliede to Uram in Benue State. From Oturkpo to Aliede was about 30 miles then, and from Aliede to Uram was about 50 miles. Every year, I lived in Tiv villages for about four months buying rice, soyabean and all other crops they would bring to the market. We stored the rice, beans, peanuts, and other crops and waited for the seasonal period to transport them to Makurdi and sell them to the Europeans — that is UAC and John Holt.

What was the working condition like in your days as a nurse?

Wife: All the time I was in training, I was also working as a full-fledged nurse. Those days student nurses do everything – they worked morning, evening and night duty. But it is only when you pass out that you will become a staff nurse and continue doing the same type of work. I worked in the maternity section as a midwife, and during my training, I worked in the children’s ward. I worked in the theatre, in the female and male medical wards, and also in the surgical ward.

One interesting thing that used to happen during our days as trainee nurses, which no longer happens now, is that the student nurses carried corpses of patients that died in the wards to the mortuary. We will be four – one holding the right leg, the other holding the left leg and two others holding the right and left arms and like that we would take the body to the mortuary. Even at night, we carried dead bodies to the mortuary.

Sometimes, especially at night, when we brought corpses into the mortuary, it would seem like some of the corpses were going to attack us. We did all that as student nurses. Even in those days, student nurses also swept and cleaned the wards. I enjoyed working as a nurse. I don’t think I can do any other work apart from nursing.

Did you establish your own business?

Husband: After serving my master for seven years, he settled me as our people used to do. Then, I started on my own by selling rice in bags. Rice is the simplest commodity you can start with and eventually, one of our town’s men introduced my master to Total Nigeria Limited and we acquired a petrol filling station at Oturkpo. I was the pump attendant and the driveway supervisor, that is, I was the manager of that filling station, from 1958 to 1960. After, I left the place and the managing director of Total Nigeria Limited then, one Mr. Laparge, a Frenchman, gave me a petrol station in Enugu at the motor park in 1960. Then in 1961, I relocated to Enugu in order to fully man that filling station that was located at the motor park then. That is how I started my own. Unfortunately, in 1965, the local council then decided that there would be no filling station at the motor park, and the Nigerian crisis (which led to the civil war) started to occur and nobody was sure of what would happen.

Eventually, in 1967, we ran away from Enugu when the Nigerian army invaded and occupied the whole area during the war. My petrol filling station tanks were full but we left everything and ran away for safety. When the war ended in 1970, we returned, I couldn’t see all what I left. The Hausas occupying the filling station refused to vacate it. I went to the garrison in Enugu and reported them. Some soldiers followed me and chased them out. When I took possession of the filling station, there was nothing in the tank except dead stock, which was about 200 gallons.

How did you meet?

Husband: It is a very nice story. I met her when she was a nurse at St. Theresa’s Hospital in Nsukka. Eventually, we agreed to marry each other.

Wife: When I was a trainee at Nsukka, he came to meet me. He said somebody directed him to me. It was funny the way he said what he came for. He just said he wanted to marry and was looking for a wife and somebody directed him to come and see me. He said he wanted to know if I would marry him. In my mind, I was thinking ‘who is this type of man that is talking like this?’ I decided that I would not say anything then. At the time, to be frank with you, I was nearing 30 years.

I was about 28 years old then. I wanted to get married. After listening to him, I said okay. I would think about it. He was from the same town with me; so, I went to Enugu to see my brothers. About four of them were in Enugu then and they knew him. I asked them about him. They said that he was a good person, contributing to the development of our town in Anambra. We continued courtship for about a year. I left for Adazi to do midwifery and we were seeing each other for the duration of the one-year course. That was how we met.

What attracted you to each other?

Husband: What attracted me to her was that I wanted to marry an educated woman, a professional, not a local woman. I wasn’t a professional but then, I was a promising businessman.

Wife: What attracted me to him was the good testimony given to me by my brothers about him. I wanted somebody that was good and responsible.

Did she give you tough time before agreeing to marry you?

Husband: No, she didn’t give me tough time. When I told her my intention, she looked at me and said she would think about it.

Was he the only one who wooed you before you got married?

Wife: There were many that came but I did not like them. But when he came, I said I would investigate well instead of continuing to say ‘no, no, no’ to men.

When did you marry and for how long have you been married?

Wife: We have been married for about 51 years. We got married on February 5, 1967.

What was your major disagreement and what caused it?

Husband: We had no major disagreement. If there was a major disagreement, we will not remain married till now. Normally, there must be disagreements and differences sometimes, but they were resolved because we know each other. When you offend the other person, the other person will bear that offence and we will reconcile immediately.

Wife: We only had a major disagreement during the war but none of us caused it. It came from his relations but we later settled. Every marriage has disagreements sometimes but in our own case, it was usually not from him. It usually comes from family members.

How do you appreciate each other?

Husband: We appreciate each other by thanking the other whenever one of us does something nice.

Do you have any pet names for your wide?

Husband: Her pet name is ‘Ocha’, which I gave to her. It means ‘white’ because she is fair in complexion and pretty.

Wife: Initially, I used to call him Ralph but later I started calling him Ebulue, which is his title name. It is easier for me and he likes it.

What is the secret of your marriage?

Husband: The secret is to understand each other. I have studied her character and I know  when I have offended her. If I offend her, then I know how to beg or appeal to her.

Wife: If a woman marries a man and they have children, it helps to bring them together. If there is no child, the couple will be unhappy and if any problem comes up, it would be more painful. We were lucky in the sense that we started having kids immediately. Another thing is he understands the type of person I am and I also understand him.

How do you celebrate your birthdays?

Husband: We usually celebrate with mass but on December 31, 2017, we had an elaborate celebration to mark our birthdays.

Does your wife still cook for you?

Husband: Yes, she does.

What is his favourite food?

Wife: He eats any good food but his favourite food is ukwa and fufu with bitter leaf soup.

How did you survive the civil war?

Husband: We had a very bad experience – it was very unfortunate to every Nigerian but I thank God that none of us was lost, but we suffered seriously. Fortunately for me, I was supplying food to the army and I lived on that food.

Wife: During the war, I worked as a volunteer at a health centre. We were not paid but they gave us relief materials. I also worked in the refugee camps.

We got married just before the war and had to run from Enugu to our town, Neni, where we lived with my husband’s family members and it was very challenging. That was the time we had a major disagreement but it was resolved. We stayed there until after the war.

What do you do now at your age?

Husband: I am still a petroleum marketer.

Wife: Since I retired, I don’t do any other work than cook and serve my family, stay at home and keep my home clean. I used to run poultry and raise animals when I was in Neni. I don’t want to go into another work. Even my husband wanted to build a maternity for me, I said no. Having gone into retirement, I just want to rest.

What advice do you have for couples about marriage?

Husband: I will advise them to cherish and tolerate each other. They should have patience because marriage is not a bed of roses; it is a bittersweet experience.

Did you ever think you would live this long and stay married for long?

Husband: I have a brother that is 106 years old and my elder sister is going to 100 years; she will be 100 in the next two years. So, we live long in my family. The secret is the grace of God. Also, control what you eat. I don’t take much alcohol and soft drinks. I watch what I eat. I don’t eat meat. I take more of vegetables and fruits. Another major factor is to know God and pray daily.

Wife: I never thought I would live this long. Even when I just got married and started having children, I never thought I would live up to 80 years. I remember a woman who used to live on my street. She had four children but died while trying to have the fifth one. When that incident happened, I cried, entered the room and prayed. I said, “God please, it will be better for me if I will go hungry and train my children than I wouldn’t be alive to train them.”

What can you say about your good health? 

Wife: My good health is by God’s grace. In 2004, my blood pressure was high and I went to the US for check-up and they found out that my heart was bad and my blood pressure was high. They said the cholesterol level was also bad. I was treated and placed on diet and eventually, I had another test and everything was okay. Also, in 2013, I had breast cancer. It was during a medical examination in the US that they discovered the cancer and I had an operation. So, my good health is God’s doing because if these sicknesses were not discovered in time, I would have died a long time ago.

You run a foundation that caters to the needs of widows. Tell us about it?

Husband: The foundation caters for widows and the less privileged. I give scholarships and monthly remunerations. I established it to alleviate the suffering of the less privileged.

source:  http://punchng.com/weve-been-married-for-51-years-because-we-understand-each-other-octogenarian-couple/